Your family doesn’t support you? It’s time to do something about it!
“What to do if my family doesn’t support me?”
Why is it so difficult for a family relationship to find an understanding with each other? Why does your mother interfere with what you do? Why is your dad doing this?
Because in this situation you have a so-called special relationship, that is: “I’m your father,” “I’m your mother.”
Someone is more important, someone less important.
You usually have less to say in this relationship, because you don’t know much about life. Do you know that?
If it was some first better person from the street telling you how to live, you would say: “Fuck off, what you’re gonna interfere with.” But that’s it: “my mom,” and that I’ve spent a lot of time with her, and she gave birth to me, so I’ve got to take a different approach to it.
Most people hold one thing in place. WHAT OTHERS SAY ABOUT THEM. If you don’t care what others say, you’re a step ahead of them. But don’t you give a shit about your parents? I don’t think that’s the point. No, it’s not.
The truth is, in life, every mature person just has to finally get rid of these special relationships. You’re 20? You’re not a kid anymore. You can think for yourself. You’re 30? All the more reason to think for yourself. Time to cut off the umbilical cord.
You have to nurture these relationships, but you have to make decisions for yourself responsibly for your own good.
Because when you make a decision not to do anything… And no matter if it’s under your mother’s persuasion, whether it’s because of your laziness or lack of motivation, the end result is always the same – you don’t realize what you want!
Tip: Don’t think about who’s giving you advice, but think about how you’re going to follow this or that advice at the end. It doesn’t matter who gives them. It’s your life.
Now, two very important things that stop people from following their own good in life.
Situation 1: You live with your parents
Someone will say: “I live with my parents, I can’t cut myself off from them, I have to listen to them.”
You want to spare yourself unnecessary comments? In such a situation, you start to fire up your Youtube, look for my channel and start listening. You put headphones on your ears and wherever you are, you listen. You just say you listen to music because you like it.
You can handle other people’s comments and criticism in different ways. It’s important that you don’t take it personally.
And in this way, even if you are in an environment that doesn’t support you and which is, for example, your own family, you can still think about what’s POSITIVE.
Then you do it all the time, all the time, all the time… You open up to the positive. You close yourself off to the negative.
You have to understand that in life you can always have excuses or results. It’s not your parents who block you from success. You’re the one doing it. Because what makes people who are successful different from people who only think about success is action.
Whether someone said something painful or not. Whether it’s sunshine or fucking rain. Whether you want it or not. That’s how it looks.
When you understand that every action you take has an effect on reality, you realize that even without taking any action, it affects your life. The consequence of this decision will simply be NO CHANGE. You will stand still.
It can take a year, two years or even a lifetime! Your whole life spent sleepwalking, will what you do be accepted by others? Is this serious?
If criticism has a depressing and demotivating effect on you and you can’t stop thinking about what other people say about you, I have a concrete proposal for you.
Do not live with your parents, but have regular contact with them.
Situation 2: What if you do not live with your parents but have regular contact with them?
Cut yourself off from them. Cut yourself off from the family that drags you down, but do it for a while.
In special relationships we give in easily. It’s hard for us to refuse… So tell your parents that you don’t have time, that you’re busy, that you have other plans. And all the time.
Do it for a couple of months to get stronger.
To believe in your own decisions. So that you can separate yourself from these ties in time. And all that surrender. And all that talking:
“No, Dad, I’ll do it my way!”
“No, I won’t meet your expectations, I’ll meet mine.”
“You see? But I’m good for something! It’s not like you said.”
It’s over. You’ve got to get to that distance. The only option to do that is just to break contact.
But of course remember… It’s not for life. It’s for two, three, four months – as long as you need to relax yourself. It’s not really about your parents, it’s about you!
Now the third very important context and problem.
What if the family is offended at you?
It’s often the case that our family, if we don’t do what they want, is just offended at us. Is that right? There are behaviors like, “If you don’t do what I told you, you don’t love your mom.” And what do you do in that case?
I’ll tell you this – if the family insults you because you don’t do what they want, it’s not your problem or your responsibility.
They’ll insult you for a month? Maybe two? So what?
This is your family. Mom or dad… They’ll still love you. Your sister will still have a relationship with you. Because it’s your family. They won’t run away from you.
Just as you won’t run away from them. So there’s no need to worry about someone getting offended for a month, two or six months. It’s okay.
The important thing is just not to take it personally. If I see my dad’s offended at me, I say, “cool.” I’m still doing my job. I’m not offended by him.
Now I’ll give you an example of common scenarios in a family.
“What do you want to quit college? Start talking to people? Teach them some bullshit? Go to your normal job. I’ll never allow it.”
“You’re supposed to quit college and fuckin’ quit. I’ve worked here all these years, and now you what? You want to lose it all…”
You know what to say? One very nice sentence:
“Since you’re my parent, I’m gonna listen to you. Your role as my parent is to look after your child.
I will listen to you, and then I will do it my way.”
That’s it. And when they’ve offended by you, always say something like this:
“Okay, if you want to be angry with me, and I’m not angry with you because I have no reason to be. I love you the same way and I will behave normally towards you, and you behave as you wish towards me”.
And you… You do what you want in life? Or is it the way your parents want it?